Posts

On Motivation and divisions of energy

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 I think about writing more and want to but also feel extremely unmotivated to. I guess it isnt just a lack of motivation for writing, simply a lack of motivation overall. Some days I feel like my head is blighted by brain fog that hangs so dense and heavy, simply getting up in the morning is all that I can manage. And other days, medicated ones, perhaps, it feels as though my head is more clear but my limbs feel non-functional. Or is it that my body is up but my mind is still sleeping? It feels like a jumble of all the things that add up to not too much, in terms of productivity. Which is an erroneous place to dwell in when one is chronically ill but there it is. Therefore, I have shifted my mindset somewhat to include the small wins in a day and string them along to splay out a different sort of life. Rather than have a to do list with boxes to check, there are mere suggestions of things to get to, as ability arises. And, once one thing is managed, time for rest is allotted too. To b

Tired

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Tough moments

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 A little head cold, and a bad sleep, compounded with an emotionally exhausting day required refuelling with a little special stop at Lucky Kitchen

Treasures

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  Found some treasure in a thrift store pocket—last in circulation in 1989 and not legal tender anymore! Wow! Also, watched The Secret World of Arrietty with N and it was a delight

Dinner conversations

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 Had a lovely dinner conversation with Raven that lasted three hours. There is so much comfort to sit with a person who has known and grown with you over a few decades. Also, sharing words unearths truths that were there all along but felt shrouded somehow. 

New Year Hopes

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 A new year…feeling bursts of energy is better than no energy at all but still know that pacing myself is the best option. Trying this year to capitalize on the small moments and wins!

Self-sabotage

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Things feel hard right now. and I am not sure what my balance is, why I cant stop shooting myself in the foot, why I both welcome and loathe this range of human emotions.