“Hello, darkness, I’m ready to succumb"

“You are lost, hope is gone, but you must go on and do the next right thing"

(Frozen II spoilers below, maybe)

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There are more moments than I want to admit where I sit in a state of inertia; it isn't as dramatic as Anna, literally sitting in a dark cave, but it is. Because no matter how cliche depression sounds, the analogy of sitting (slumped with grief and pain) in a cave of darkness, is pretty damn accurate. And it is heartening to see a Hollywood animated movie creating space for a character to explore her loss, even momentarily, is a breath of fresh air. The acknowledgement that the future is simply too much to even conceive of and that the darkness is waiting for one to succumb, is a vast net of importance; some days there is only the now, only the next step, the next breath, the next right thing.

And who is to say which choice is the right one? The imperative of "must go on" loops us back to society's bootstraps but even in that moment, the relief of that tiny voice that doesn't say immediately that you are found but that you are still lost.

Mental health has become somewhat of a buzzword lately, an attempt to shift the stigma of illness that exists outside of sight. And while we celebrate this as a sign of progress and acceptance, the truth is more complicated. We cant always get up without help, and sometimes people are unable to be their own saviours. 

And as for stigma, I guess it's better but people still don't understand when I say that I hear voices or feel my eyes shift in funny ways. They nod with uncertainty when I talk about BPD or C-PTSD. They want to understand, I think, which makes me give them a wide allowance of ignorance and words left unsaid, but I am resentful, perhaps. 

Because, as Mr.Rogers said "everything human is mentionable; everything mentionable is manageble" because there is too much lost in silence. And if movies this week can make me reflect on how to speak up, perhaps society is ready to hear it too.