Thingadailies 4: Unscalable
I never know how to respond when people ask how I am doing. Mostly, I shrug or shake my head to avoid saying "ok" or "fine", because I don't want to lie but I also don't think people care enough to know more. And they won't question further if the answer seems to be "I don't know".
Sometimes I get angry inside because I want them to push further, to try harder to crack into the high walls I have built around myself. I want to see them knock once, and then again when I don't answer. I want them to insist on supporting me, even when I dont know how to let them in.
But that anger lapses quickly into sadness. Resignation, perhaps. I cant scale these walls either.